I Believe...

I had a friend ask me recently about my testimony...and I realized that I don't think I have ever put to words when I became a believer. I have thought about this a lot in the past few years...and have come to the realization that I don't have a specific time that I started believing in Christ...he has always been there for me. I have never questioned my faith or whether or not there was a God...there has always been one for me. However...I have a very different relationship with Him now than I ever have before...and it is everchanging and strengthening. I think I can pinpoint my trust in God and my acceptance of Him in my heart and in charge of my life when I lost my first baby. Until that time, I had never had the need in my heart to let someone else be in charge. It was the first time I realized that nothing was under my control. I honestly don't know how people handle grief who are not believers. At that time, the only way I could make sense of things in my head was to realize that it was part of His plan. It was not my fault and there was nothing I could do to change things...I was going through this for a reason. There was something He needed me to learn...and I think that was just it. I was supposed to give everything over to Him. My relationship has grown stronger through the birth of my children and the absolute miracle that is pregnancy and birth and babies...really...there is no other explanation than a miracle. My relationship has grown even stronger since we have found a church to call home. It is the first time I have felt like He has spoken directly to me. He brought me there to get to know him better. I feel him in the music...in the sermons...in the eyes of my children...in the friends I have made there. I feel him all around me. I have always prayed...I have always talked to my grandparents in Heaven...but my growth the last few years have allowed me to actually talk to God...and wait and listen for his answers...and trust His direction. I still have a lot of growing to do...I know a completely different God now that I have children...and have to actually teach them about Him. It absolutely melts my heart to listen to them pray or to listen to them explain things as the result of Christ...did you know he made everything for us because he loves us? Just ask Kerry Ann...she'll tell you all about it:) I know I have posted this before...but it remains my favorite...
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you."