Deep Thoughts...but not by Jack Handy

OK...these pics were taken at a b-day party today...that the girls just LOVED...so now I think we are going to have to start them in gymnastics lessons. We tried soccer...nope. I thought about ballet...nope. So, I think we have decided to add on this little expense. To be honest with you, I have found myself in a very odd place in my life. Part of me feels like I got this momma thing down...I have 2 pretty amazing girls who are full of their own personality. Another part of me panics every now and then because I realize a lot of the times that I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing and hope that I don't damage them too much! Am I making them confident? Am I making them independent? Am I making them smart? I can't cook at all...are they really as healthy as I think they are? Does it hurt them that I work and am I missing too much? Would it hurt US more if I stayed home? Am I being the role model of the daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend that I want them to become? Part of me is completely excited to have a BABY BOY on the way. The other part of me wonders what the h**l I'm going to do with a boy! How do you make a strong man? How do you teach him to love reading as much as he does sports...that's assuming he's not gonna want to tap dance instead! How do you teach him to treat women? Is he going to feel left out because the girls are so close? How do you teach him not to be a "momma's boy"...even though I already secretly hope that he will be? What if he picks a girlfriend or a wife that I can't stand? And how am I gonna handle being #2 in his life someday instead of #1? The one thing I'm sure of is he's going to be a great dad...he's got 2 amazing role models for that. When we have days like today and I sit and watch my girls be completely independent and not even look over their shoulder for me...well we did get a little wave from RJ...it makes me think these things...OK so I think about these things all the time...but especially on days like today. I realized that if we sign them up for lessons, it will be Aaron taking them on Wednesdays when he's off...not me...I have to work. Yes, I actually WANT my girls to have a "working" mom...but I would stay home in a heartbeat if I had the chance. I love my job and hate my job all at the same time. Public school is an interesting place to spend most of your day...helping to raise other people's children. Teaching them how to handle failure and success right beside math and reading. Teaching about Christ through role modeling, without being able to speak His name...well most of the time. You learn pretty quickly what you can get away with with certain students. Having to tell parents that there is something "different" about the way their child learns or behaves...And how will I respond if I ever hear that about my own? Trying to teach a 5th grader the joy of reading...when he can't read half the words on the page and his parents wonder why YOU aren't doing everything YOU should be doing for THEIR child...when You spent the morning teaching THEIR child how to put on deodarant. And I don't get to be with mine...but I have to say...they are with my mom, which I absolutely LOVE at the same time! They are so close to my parents and ask for their Grann and PopPop when they are sad, or happy, or get to go somewhere new, or want a home-cooked meal...HA! Anywho, I guess my point is, sometimes I feel like I live in my own little world of opposites. I guess we all do...there are no definite answers to anything...we should just try our best, close our eyes, and when we open them, hope we haven't hurt anyone, including ourselves, in the meantime. Heard enough? Oh...these are just a pinch of the "deep thoughts" that run through my head all day...and I'm happy with my life! What on earth do people think about who aren't? Yikes!